Violence is an intentional choice to gain control. However, most people believe that violence and abuse happen because abusers lose control over their behaviour.
Abusers use different ways to manipulate you. They tend to show their power by unilaterally making decisions affecting you and your life. They may treat you like a child and even their possession.
Abusive individuals use different tactics to put you down and make you feel bad about yourself. Why do they do this? Power and control dynamics affect your independence and sense of self. If you are suffering from low self esteem and believe that you are worthless and nobody wants you, you will not leave them.
Abusers will do every thing to make you feel powerless like labelling, criticising and shaming.
An abusive partner may force you to ask permission for everything, even as an adult. They can push you to cut yourself off from seeing your family or friends to increase your dependence on them.
Remember, abusers are able to control their behaviour and they choose to be abusive. If you are in an abusive relationship or you know some body in an abusive situation speak up. You may need support to get out of the situation, and speaking up to people who can help you is the first step to taking control of your life back.